I saw this post on social media that said, “Starting over is so annoying, I’m tired of telling people my favorite color.” This was hysterical to me when I read it, but it also hit me. I just got done talking to this great girl and a part of me agreed with this statement. Why do we go through so many people?
I want you to imagine this, that your relationship with a significant other is a target and you have the bow and arrow. We have culture blinding us because culture changes. Dating back then is not the same as today. With this constant changing, we are aiming at a moving target. It is hard to hit a moving target, so we really are not aiming at anything.
Culture says that the average age to get married is 28 years old. I have seen so many people in their early twenties getting married right away, like what is the rush? If they love you, don’t you think they will stay with you when you both get settled? Look, I also want to find the one for me and start a family, but I want the right person by my side.
Isaiah 40:8 The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
The Bible does not change, and my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. How about it is time we make our standard of relationships from the Bible as our target. It is way easier to hit a non-moving target in my opinion.
I was restarting a show called Fixer Upper and not even in the first five minutes they said something that stuck with me.
“Not so perfect house in the o so perfect spot.
All it takes is some faith. Do you have what it takes to take on a fixer upper?”
Sitting there on the couch and had to pause for ten minutes. People are looking for the perfect person, but no one is perfect, so they are on this never-ending hunt. The reason I say no one is perfect is because we all have our flaws, but it takes the right person to deal with those flaws. Just like looking for a fixer upper, are you willing to deal with the flaws in the house even if the rest is perfect? Isn’t that like a relationship, you find the perfect person that fits your standards and beliefs, but can you deal with their flaws?
A fixer upper is an investment on your part. You are putting the time and energy in it and you want to see it for the long run. The four steps to a fixture upper are inspection, demolition, renovation, and invitation. Most people that I have seen now a days go from the inspection stage straight to the invitation stage. I am going to cover each stage down below but just remember that most people skip the demolition and renovation stage.
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Inspection
Looking for a house to fix up can be a process. You want to find the perfect location and see potential withing the house itself.
By definition, inspection means the careful examination or scrutiny of something. This is the stage where we gain interest in someone. You talked or met through a friend, dating app, or were just friends and start to get some feelings for the person. You take each other on a few dates and get to know each other like your favorite things, some dislikes, what you do, where you go to school, etc. This stage is always fun because there is no tension at first but just good moments. Start telling them what you believe in and what your standards are so that you two are on the same page.
Demolition
When demolishing a fixer upper, you usually find problems with it. You either keep working on the house or the problems are just too big and you move on.
This stage starts happening when things start to get serious. You are past the stage of just going on dates and really dig deeper into who the person is. You start learning their flaws and things you do not like about them because you been together for a little time now. Demolition is the action or process of destroying something. Not so where you are trying to change the person or them trying to change you, but the person is pointing things out that might be hurting you or that you should work on to help you grow.
IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!
IF IT IS NOT TO HELP YOU THEN IT IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO END UP WELL!
When you read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, it says that two are better than one. If one falls the other can reach out their hand and help them up. You can tell a relationship is from God if the relationship helps you. We rather tolerate more relationships that take away from us. I have been there, and it is not a good feeling, leaves you broken and empty.
An example of good demolition: I was at this coffee shop 41 North with this woman. To sum it up, she said that I needed to work on two things. First was I needed a community and the second was she was worried about making time. I tried to explain why those two are wrong, but she saw something I couldn’t see. After a couple of days to sit back and think she wasn’t wrong, so I did something about it. I moved in with four guys so that I can grow and dig deeper in God and I went down to training one or two players on the weekends. With those two changes, I have dug deeper into God than I could imagine, and it is only going to grow.
An example of bad demolition: I dated this girl a couple years back where the relationship was just about her. I missed practices to help her when I should have gone to them. She would point out problems in me that were not even problems. I Should have ended it early than it did, but it left me broken and empty.
Renovation
You decided that during the demolition stage that it was worth renovating and continuing with the house. You can see the potential still and things come together.
This would probably be my favorite phase. The demolition and renovation stage somewhat overlap each other. Just like in fixing up a house, you can start moving new items while you demo. If someone can deal with the others flaws and it is helping each other then this phase is fun. A renovation is to restore to good condition, repair, refresh and to revive. The demolition phase can be a hard phase and you’ll need to restore the relationship back in good condition. It could be a simple fix or a little tougher, break ups do happen during some relationships. Grow during this stage! Make each other stronger and each other’s relationship unbreakable to lead up to the invitation stage.
Invitation
After all the work you put into the house you are ready to finally move into it.
Invitation is something offered as a suggestion. This is a couple years in the process but usually when the guy asks the girl to marry him. You are inviting them into your life for good and permanently. Through all the demolishing and renovation, you two can take up a whole new fixer upper as one. The process starts over as a married couple, but you were able to build a strong foundation to get to this point.
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Remember earlier when I said that most people just skip the demolition and renovation stage, do you see the importance. Imagine marrying someone 6 months to a year into the relationship and you find out some things that you would not have dated in someone. This will ultimately lead to destruction and unhappiness especially if you are not bringing it to the Lord. He can restore, repair and rebuild anything. That’s why it is imperative to take the necessary steps to get to know someone.
2 Peter 3:8-9 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a
thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
If God does not rush His plans for you then why do you rush yours? God can make anything happen whenever he wants but chooses to take His time. Why would it be different for a relationship? Do not rush a relationship because you are trying to fill this void. That is even harder, to admit to yourself that you are trying to fill a void. Let God work on you and let Him fill you up because it does not run dry.
I was in that position where I was dry and empty. Then I let God fill me up and work in me. I have not felt like a drop has left me even through the rough times. Now I am in a good position to get in a relationship with someone because what I can give to them won’t run dry.
Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
Also, for the people who want to give up on finding someone. God wants us to have a relationship, but we cannot rush it. Like everything else in this world, we just can not have it right when we want. There is a season and time for everything, and it is worth the wait. God made someone suitable for YOU!
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