“I don’t deserve that”
“I can’t accomplish this”
“Why would anyone ever choose me?”
“I don’t believe that will ever happen for me”
“I am not making a difference in their life; I should just be quite”
These are just a few of the consistent thoughts that I have on a continual, everyday basis. My brain is constantly flooded with self-doubt, doubt about choices to make, doubt about hearing the voice of God, doubt about just living my life. Everything from what to wear for the day to changing careers to questioning the words that come from my mouth. The thing about doubt is that it can take many forms in our lives. Doubt starts off as an off handed one-time statement that we won’t see as a big deal. Then slowly those thoughts start to turn into actions, to a behavior, and then finally a core part of who we are. I want to explore what doubt looks like in the Bible, what combats this doubt, and what we can do about it.
Abraham and Sarah (Gen 17 and 18)
When reading about the great men and women in the bible I find it hard not to compare myself to them. These people must have never doubted anything that God told them to do or has said to them. Well was I wrong. In Genesis 17:17 and 18:12-14, God has just told Abraham and Sarah that they will have a son in a year’s time that will establish the Lord’s covenant with his people. Their reaction? They laughed. “Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief” (Gen 17:17 ). “Sarah was listening to this conversation from the tent…she laughed silently to herself and said ‘How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure…?’” (Gen 18: 10-12). I can’t seem to count how many times in my life God has told me something and I have snickered at Him. Like Sarah questioned a pleasure in her life I have as well. I question if God would ever bring love my way. Someone to care for and care for me. Just like Sarah I have heard the voice of God and people in my life confirm that I will one day have this sweet pleasure, but I consistently doubt it. The Lord goes on to say in Gen 18:14 “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”. Well of course it isn’t! Wouldn’t that be the first response that comes to everyone’s mind? Then why is it so hard for me to believe that he will do it for me? This is when self-doubt will come creeping in and I will talk myself out of the promises of God. If the Lord has created us in his own image, so why wouldn’t he want the best for us? Jerimiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses of the Bible and one I tell myself everyday to combat the enemy. The Lord says “For I know the plans I have for you…they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you.”. The word wholeheartedly is what captures my attentions. The word means “with complete sincerity and commitment.” It means to have faith.
Peter and Walking on Water (Matt 14)
In Matthew 14:22-33 Jesus is seen walking on water by his disciples during a storm. Peter calls out to Jesus, not as a prayer or as a cry of praise. He questions who Jesus is with a challenge! Peters starts off by addressing Jesus with doubt. “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” (Matt 14:28). In my life I have made “bets” with God to validate my concerns and put my mind to ease. Peter does it here. And Jesus’s response? “Yes, come”! Jesus address’ Peter’s doubt with a statement of certainty. Jesus said yes, I am giving you exactly what you wanted to prove to you who I am. The Lord of all creation is trying to reach out to show us who He is. Peter walks on the water, then there’s a little wind, a wave is coming, and the smallest bit of doubt creeps in. What if the wave takes me under? What if the wind knocks me down? The “what if’s” of life start creeping in and what happens? He starts to sink. Fear entered into him. A definition of doubt is “fear or to be afraid”. Jesus was straight in front of Peter guiding him directly towards him on a straight path, but Peter let all the fears of life start to drag him under. Even when it looked like all was going to fail and his fears were confirmed he cries out to Jesus to save him and Jesus does not hesitate to save Peter. He says to him after “You have so little faith…why did you doubt me?” (Matt 15:31). There have been times in my life that God has shown me a clear path to take and I have let the fears and the “what if’s” take over my brain and sink me in the ocean, when I could have been walking on water. I love to dance, specifically ballet and I love musical theater. I had many opportunities to dance later in high school and in college, but I didn’t think that I could do that. Due to my fears and my self-doubt I passed up many opportunities to perform and audition for roles that I could only dream of. The fear that I would be ridiculed for my lack of experience or talent caused me to miss opportunities in my life that God had put in my path. While those opportunities passed before me due to fear, I kept training and practicing and believed that one day I might be good enough or talented enough so I could have the faith to audition and get the part I wanted.
Doubting Thomas (John 20)
After Jesus’s death and resurrection, the disciples saw him one evening, but Thomas was not in attendance. Thomas says to the disciples “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand in the wound by his side.” (John 20:25). While some people believe in the blessings of God, they will not truly believe that it will happen unless they can see proof. I too fall into this category. As a person who loves data, black and white, and hardcore facts, it can be very difficult to trust in things that I do not experience with my senses. I was a high school science teacher for five years and I would tell my students to only take into account observable data. Facts that have an explanation attached with them. I would present scenarios in my class and would always have at least one student question the validity of the phenomenon. We would then go through the scientific method and explain what was occurring. This is how we are trained as a young child to think and view the world, but God tells us different. He says “blessed are those who believe without seeing” (John 20:29, 2 Cor. 5:7). While doubt in this case causes Thomas to eventually believe in Jesus’s resurrection, it did not come from faith, it came from evidence. Faith is what the Lord covets most from us. He covets our faith because that is the relationship that we have with him.
Combating Doubt with Faith
The definition of doubt is “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction”. To really walk with the Lord, you must trust the plans He has for you and the path that he has laid in front of you. The Lord asks Abraham “Is Anything too hard for the Lord?” (Gen 18:14). The Lord asks this same question to many of us on a daily basis. 2 Tim 1:7 says “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline”. Doubt is another way to say fear and scripture tells us this is not from God. These are lies that the devil tells us. In Hebrews 11, the whole chapter is dedicated to the great faith that men and women of God have shown in the Bible. Hebrews 11:11 brings us back to Sarah’s story about doubting that the Lord could give her a child. While doubt can be crippling, it can also be used as a tool to believe in the promises of the Lord. Sarah turned her doubt into faith and she conceived a son. Peter started with faith, but lost it when fear entered his mind. He would have continued to walk on water with Jesus if he had kept his faith. Thomas only believed after seeing Jesus for himself and he continued his faith in him. Faith is defined as “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”. If we believe that the Lord has everything in control then there shouldn’t be any room for doubt. This does not exclude us from facing difficulties or trials in life, but complete faith in God will guide and lead us down His path and He gives us peace in the storm.
This mindset shift does not change overnight. It takes time with God. Like any good relationship that you have with someone, it has to be nurtured and watered or it will die. Start with small things. Those questions that are at the beginning of the article, I started to answer them the way that the Lord would want me to.
“I don’t deserve that” – The Lord says that he plans for my life, plans for me to prosper. I need to walk in the blessing of the Lord.
“I can’t accomplish this” – The Lord says I can do all things through Christ who strengths me.
“Why would anyone ever choose me?” – The Lord says that I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
“I don’t believe that will ever happen for me” – The Lord says blessed are who believe who do not yet see.
“I am not making a difference in their life; I should just be quiet” – The Lord will take away the fleshly longings of this world and will renew you by transforming your mind.
I had forgotten about the promises and blessings that the Lord has in my life and I let the devil tell me lies for so long. Even though I struggle with doubt, the smallest bit of faith that I have had, the Lord has still blessed me ten times over.
I have a man in my life who is crazy about every part of me, good and bad.
I have gotten the part of a lifetime in a ballet that I auditioned for on a whim after only five years of training.
As I was writing this article, a past student of mine told me that she has been changing her life for the better the past four months because of the things that I had said to her a year prior.
Let the Lord work in your life and the life of those around you. Let him dramatically change the way you perceive a situation and can turn it around to honor and glorify him. Go beyond the doubt and step into faith.
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